Thank you very much! I have only just begun this work and it is very encouraging to hear that someone else has experienced very similar thoughts and emotions, followed by coming out the other side for the better. You are correct in that I used the term, "mania," in a too broad a sense. I know that there have been instances when I have been able to do a little more or feel at least a little smarter during hypo-mania.I've always hoped that I could sustain those times, never understood that it was actually part of my illness until a couple weeks ago. When I become manic it is extremely scary for me, the walls close in, I convince myself that my world is unraveling and I believe things are real that couldn't be further from the truth. It is panic, it is frightening, it is horrible. I have always been terrible about punishing myself, I am trying very hard not to this now. It is a trigger for me without question. I am working to stay in the solution and not dwell in the problem, sometimes that is easier said than done but I keep on trying. I hope someday to embrace who and what I am, to see and use my condition as an asset rather than a sentence.Your words spoke to me deeply and your compassion has done me a great deal of good today!