Yesterday I learned that I only need memories to upset myself, it's not just the internet.

But today, I can tell, is going to be food torture.

I just stumbled on more comments from people who don't like food or end up on accidental ketogenic diets due to forgetting to eat. I want to be like that. I should be like that. It's literally wrong for me to eat and enjoy it. It's a sign of how base and unintelligent I am. Otherwise I would have transcended my body like more intuitive people have. I would recognize food as an annoying thing required to sustain life rather than a source of pleasure.

But in order to eat like an intuitive I need to consciously starve myself. Even if my mind is active hunger will bother me, and I'll need to assuage the discomfort.

If that's not enough, last night I had this weird dream that I ate out at a restaurant and when the bill came, I had just barely enough - and it basically wiped me out financially. Not because the bill was high but because I had nothing. Debit cards denied, almost no cash, etc. And it felt horribly real, so I'm still high-strung from that.

I ate a lot yesterday, so I was just going to eat sparingly today and fast over the weekend. Now I'm not sure. The shame is getting to me - I'm even thinking of making myself throw up what I just ate...probably won't, but it would get the evil out of me.