I am becoming a huge believer in combining insight oriented psychodynamic techniques with action oriented cognitive behavioral techniques. Basically, we have to see where our fears originated and what inner and interpersonal dynamics they are causing - how are we currently dealing with these learned fears, painfully reduced expectations, and other "baggage" that comes from actual experiences?

In addition, we have to come to an understanding of how to fix these issues in the here and now - how do we get our needs met and reduce our fears by seeking situations and acting in ways that will more likely get the results we have always wanted? I think both "traditional" CBT and "third wave" style CBT can be useful here. A more psychodynamic approach can also be helpful. The more tools in the toolbox, the better off we are.

You cannot hope for a better past, as the saying goes, but we can certainly hope for a better future by understanding how WE can be empowered to improve things for ourselves. An important part of this is trust and transparency between therapist and client, going both ways. A therapist can't help too much when we don't open up, and this is a factor that therapy needs to address as needed. At the same time, a therapist whose approach is vague and opaque to the client doesn't engender much trust or sense of direction.