I have struggled for a very long time and have only recently been diagnosed and begun treatment after being hospitalized. I can relate to what you are going through. I am trying very hard not to obsess on being bipolar as a life sentence, rather I am working very hard to see this as an opportunity. A chance to live a life that had previously been completely out of reach without help. In my situation the meds are not enough by themselves. I am trying different therapists looking for a good fit, I am going to support groups and I am trying to apply the experience and success others share with me with in my own world. It's not been easy, I know I have a great deal to learn but I actually have hope today that I can live a better future than anything I've known in the past. I don't know if any of this will be of any use to you but I think it always helps to know that we are not alone, in most of our struggles there are others who have experienced, are experiencing and will experience times very similar to our own. Best wishes in all of your endeavors, hold onto hope, you are worth it!