Pastel & Crying, I very much relate. I always feel like I'm not beautiful enough to live, no one will ever love the real me, I'm going to lose this fight someday, everything is worthless/meaningless/pointless, everything is a lie, nothing lasts or remains stable, this never goes away, I don't belong here, etc. It makes it tough to even want to try. I fight being absorbed by the void almost constantly.

Ideas of "not being judged, loved for who you are" seem like the most impossible, alien thing to me. Like talking about living on a planet in another solar system.