I'm so so so so sorry. Why I can't turn off my thoughts I don't know. Acutally, reading those comments was a terrible mistake. More evidence that everything really is horrible, reality is horrific by nature, and there's simply no escape that isn't weak, ignorant, or just plain bad.

Dammit...I want to do things. I want to enjoy things, but I'm not allowed to, because it's wrong. I want to live my fantasies, or something close. I want to feel alive. But I can't.

I know I can be negative, and I hate it. I don't want to be miserable, and I've been fighting tooth and nail against becoming cynical. But the more I learn even about my own reality the more hopeless I feel. There's simply nothing for me. Anything I do find is illusory, according to smarter, wiser people. Like how there's always some hidden ugliness to anything that's good. Good food acquired through unethical means; hidden meanings and unrealistic situations in music, movies and TV; the people who love you will abandon you at the slightest provocation. I'm usually the sort who doesn't bother to think about it, because what good does it do? It's not like my mentally acknowledging it will change anything, and, shameful as it is, I want to enjoy my things. This is reality. And I don't see any reason to live it.

The entire point of the DR idea is that no, it doesn't. You'er seeing things as they really are, and reality is horrific, so it's rational to be depressed.