I've already posted a few times so I thought I should introduce myself and tell my story.

I’m 43 years old, single by choice, and have multiple diagnoses (physical and psychiatric). It seems when I make some headway with a physical problem, another one pops up or my psychiatric functioning takes a hit. It is like a huge game of whack-a-mole. It’s been this way since I was 16 and started having grand mal seizures out of nowhere, on top of the depression that started at age 14 (if not earlier). Puberty messed with my brain on a massive scale. I am hoping that menopause will not be quite so traumatic.

I’ve been diagnosed with major depression since age 14 and I don’t believe there has been a period of more than four months in all that time without significant symptoms of depression. So, add in dysthymia (persistent depressive disorder). Other problems that are not exactly diagnoses: dissociation, self-harm, memories/flashbacks of childhood sexual abuse.

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at age 18 by a psychiatrist at a state hospital who interviewed me for less than an hour; I didn’t believe him. I opened up to a therapist I had when I was 16-21, but since then I’ve never really done so. Seen several therapists, a couple for years at a time, but was only willing to deal with the depression. I’ve been seeing a therapist for the past year and I have opened up to her, as much as I am able, and she diagnosed me with BPD as well. So I’m dealing with the sadness and regret, there; I could have dealt with it decades earlier and perhaps had a better quality of life all these years. (Except they didn’t have DBT or anything much to offer people with BPD back in the early 1990s; it was truly a “trashcan” diagnosis.)

I’ve been on psych meds since age 16, with only a two-year hiatus that did not end well. I accept that I’ll need to be on them for the rest of my life in some form, to be able to function adequately. I also accept that doing this will decrease my lifespan somewhat; however, suicide would decrease it much more dramatically so I accept it.

I’ll also have to be on medications for physical problems for the rest of my life, starting with thyroid hormone and progressing from there. I’m currently on 3 psych meds and at least six other meds. Physical conditions include lumbar spinal stenosis, which causes pain and numbness down both legs; migraines; asthma which developed after age 30; and high blood pressure. There are several more but who needs all that detail?

This is my first time really seeking out social support for any of my illnesses. I’m just here to learn from other people’s experiences and see that I’m not alone. I’m a professional in the ‘helping professions,’ as they say, but I don’t work directly with clients because that is too emotionally overwhelming for me. So: you won’t run into me at your next appointment! No worries!