"looking for something negative in MKAC's post: perhaps because I know her well, I know that like me, what she's gotten weren't band-aids from one session to the next. Accepting someone's flirtation might make them feel good from one week to the next, but it's ultimately empty. Your response to her technically reads as supportive, but it's an odd way to respond to her reassurance to others that erotic transference can lead to positive change with some hard work and endurance -- it pretty clearly indicates that you suspect her marriage won't last without her T, which is a pretty heavy-handed thing to imply. It's not a question, such as "do you think you'll be able to continue to have a happy marriage when your T relationship is over?"

You are correct, and I am clearly overly suspicious because of not only mine but other people's experience as well. I feel it is a legitimate question, but I understand that it (and many responses I make) sounds harsh. If it works for her I am happy, but I hope that she will give some thought to my comment."

I actually did not really understand your comment other than you were implying for some reason that you doubted what I had to say and that somehow ending my T relationship would affect my marriage poorly. That did not make sense to me at all. If I can work hard and improve my marriage while in a T relationship where the T and I have an attraction for each other, how would ending the T relationship make my marriage worse?

My H and I were friends, as well as spouses, before I began therapy. Therapy opened my eyes to how much I have been missing in my life, to how guarded I have been with my H and my friends, and how superficial I kept those relationships in many ways. Because of the attraction to my therapist, and the way that relationship made me face the pain of what I desperately want and wasn't getting in my life, I was able to find the courage to be more open and vulnerable with my H and with my friends. My marriage and my friendship have been deeper, closer, and more intimate and supportive. Which is not to say I don't still have work to do there, but five years ago, I would not have imagined how good things could be with my H. Honestly, I do not see any way that ending the T relationship will somehow suddenly make those improvements just go away.

I am saying that IF a therapist is ethical, and IF the client in question really wants to stay focused on the relationships that person is already in, a mutual attraction between a therapist and a client is not necessarily some huge disaster in the making. Yes, it ends badly sometimes, but I do not think that is necessarily the majority experience.