Based on your last reply, I get the sense that you do have a little bit of investment here.

It's true that sexual feelings within an unbalanced relationship can be a fast-track ticket to abuse. But it neither has to be that way every time there are sexual feelings, nor do there have to be sexual feelings for an unbalanced relationship to rapidly head south.

I'm some combination of what FFF and MKAC posted. I have strong feelings for my T, although those have changed and matured over time. I'm aware he has feelings for me, but as with FFF, we don't spend a lot of time on those. My T is really careful -- sometimes too careful -- to keep any personal gratification on his part out of the equation. So if he ever suspects he might be doing something for his benefit and not mine (including being vague about his feelings), he questions it and thinks it over.

Like MKAC, I have benefited from the transference a great deal in my marriage. And not in little band-aid, week-to-week ways. Insights I've gained over the years with my T are what have helped me a better person and better wife. They're permanent. I mean I slip up from time to time, and have rough patches, but I don't rely on my T to allow me to continue to be the woman I am now. I just am.

The red flags I see in your post are:

- calling it "fun": honestly, it really shouldn't be all that fun. I'm not saying YOU did something wrong, I'm saying your T handled it really poorly if he allowed it to be flirtation and superficial gratification of your need to be desired. I can't say this is fun for me or my T. It's work, and it's frustrating. It feels good at times because we've built a deep bond, but it really hasn't been fun.

- the implication that your apparently obvious desire for your T was never discussed: Again. YOU did not do something wrong. If your T clearly noticed it and played along like it was a fun game, it's your T who didn't do his job.

- looking for something negative in MKAC's post: perhaps because I know her well, I know that like me, what she's gotten weren't band-aids from one session to the next. Accepting someone's flirtation might make them feel good from one week to the next, but it's ultimately empty. Your response to her technically reads as supportive, but it's an odd way to respond to her reassurance to others that erotic transference can lead to positive change with some hard work and endurance -- it pretty clearly indicates that you suspect her marriage won't last without her T, which is a pretty heavy-handed thing to imply. It's not a question, such as "do you think you'll be able to continue to have a happy marriage when your T relationship is over?"

Sadly, there have been a lot of people here who were burned by their T's. Too many. But what they have in common isn't sexual attraction. People with maternal attachments have had difficulties too. People with none of the above have had problems. Unethical T's come in all shapes and sizes. To me, the problem was that your T wasn't there to help you, and used your attachment to feed his ego, rather than turning it back to you and helping you understand it. I absolutely agree that as soon as sexual feelings enter the room the T needs to up his/her game. At this point it becomes easy for things to head in the wrong direction. But that does not mean that they will.

I *have* been in a relationship like yours, though. Not with a T. It too provided superficial, temporary, and ultimately empty relief for feelings of loneliness and need I had at the time. And I was feeding someone's ego, and at first it was nice to have someone paying attention to me. But the more he took, the worse it was, until I wasn't someone I even recognized anymore. So I am pretty familiar with that path. My T and I aren't on it. I am sorry -- truly sorry -- that that is what happened to you. You didn't deserve it, and don't deserve to be handling the aftermath alone.

I say this as encouragement to people who are currently struggling with romantic feelings for their Ts -- it can be a rich learning experience, although it's painful, hard work, and I wouldn't fault anyone for opting out. I also say this because I hope you can focus on the things that specifically happened between you and your T, so you can find a way to be at peace and eventually move on.

Not sure why that is showing up huge, but I cannot seem to make it smaller.