I totally agree with those who posted that more transparency would go a long way in helping with issues like the OP's original question.

I guess if we were to unpack what 'love' consisted of in therapy and / or the conditions of it, my guess is that the lack of transparency would have a lot to do with the intensity of attachment. If the T were to -- from the get-go (once therapy has started in earnest) -- let one know what the process will generally look like (given that there's more than enough literature on transference and attachment stuff, this shouldn't be hard), what progress will broadly look like and so on, I'd think it would help manage a lot of stuff.

This idea that somehow one is to totally trust this mysterious process with little or no questioning of the person 'administering' the process is what I'd say contributes to a seeming severe return to child-like states of always needing stuff from a caregiver (T in this case) and never actually getting it. And, somehow feeling like something is wrong with one to even need it (which of course will lead to an utterly useless and patronizing reassurance from the T that of course there's nothing wrong with those needs blah blah blah).

So, I'd think that if T's were to treat clients like cogent adults who can acknowledge and work with those child-like states and be totally transparent about the process, a lot of the intensity could be managed. But, instead, I'd say that this idea that one needs to allow oneself to feel all those deep, intense needs in depending on the T but then manage those needs and show them only to the extent that the T allows is what ends up being painful.