I know I've expressed this on several other occasions but it's stuck in my mind, I can't let go, I know they are just labels but I want the RIGHT label & the RIGHT dx so I can get the RIGHT treatment.

I think I've come up with a good explanation of how I have been feeling. It's a cross between agitated & atypical depression, sometimes more agitated (irritability, anxiety, psychomotor agitation, self harm & suicidal thoughts), sometimes more atypical (mainly low, apathetic & anhedonic but still reactive in mood in the presence of a positive stimulus, hypersomnia, leaden paralysis), mostly all atypical characteristics except weight gain.

Anyone else see themselves like this? I'm questioning bipolar, depression, yes definatly, anxiety, yes definatly, but why do I seem to have a mix of agitated & also melancholic depressive states depending on the day? What's all the other stuff? The periodic bursts of unstable energy & desire to lose control, the periods of happiness that never last & involve at lot of undirected energy & enthusiasm. Why did I have an auditory hallucination? What's with the unstable sleep, sometimes 12 hours, sometimes 5? Is this really bipolar? Or am I treating the normal human condition as an illness?

I constantly question if I actually have BPD traits superimposed on a depressive/anxious illness & that's why it's all so confusing & unstable. Sorry to those who are probably bored of me asking the same questions.