I just quit therapy after 6 straight years of it. I also had several prior episodes that just sort of ended.

I wouldn't go as far to say it is fundamentally "flawed", but it is HUGELY an art. Research informs us in a limited way as elements of good therapy just can't be controlled and quantified adequately to arrive at strong conclusions.

After experiencing multiple modalities--CBT, psychodynamic, relational psychoanalysis, humanistic, Jungian...multiple therapists, I really do think it is rare to find a relatively good therapist.

How many people do you know who have the talent to be a true artist? Well, I think it's exactly the same with therapists. I read Mouse's posts, and I am just wowed by things her therapist says. My T doesn't sound like that at all! Neither did the 6 before him!

Second to natural artistic talent, I think the therapist's character, his/her own mental state and sense of self, is the 2nd most important thing. They have to really have a good head on their shoulders. Overall, the healing experience I had, which was unfortunately cut short, was with a therapist who mastered the art of attunement. Just small bits of 'feeling warm inside', repeated over and over, and the rupture and repair of someone attuned who is generally fond of me and who generally cares about me, was the main thing that promoted a positive effect.

In the end, for me, the true test is--how is my life outside of therapy? Well, it's been worse for me lately so I quit. No, not the therapists fault, but I do think he was not attuned enough to me but he also wasn't artistic/creative enough to understand how to help me. But it wasn't my fault either. And in terms with his character, I know what I need to get better, but my T insisted my issues were all transference. I didn't agree. And if I am well, I certainly wouldn't be here seeking support or even visiting this forum if therapy was "working" for my life. So if it wasn't his fault, and it wasn't my fault, who is at fault? Hmm. Maybe the therapy is flawed.

The best times in my life were the times I was most active, not in my head, and certainly not thinking or obsessing about my therapist. Difficult to do when I am depressed. But I definitely have learned that therapy, in my view, is effective only when it transfers to life outside of the T room. It may take a while to get there, but it shouldn't last forever. It's unfortunate that many don't realize this when going in, and for many of us trauma survivors-not until we are hit with feeling all of our emotions again (aka pain), often for the first time as an adult.

I would say to anyone--hang in there, but not for too long. If you aren't going anywhere, switch therapists. Or switch healing modes--join some Meetup groups, a drum circle, or take up a new hobby. Don't stay stuck (in ineffective therapy) for so long that one day, when you are 60 some years old, you wake up and think--what happened to my life...full of regrets.