I'll try to make this quick, since I don't like to go into it much. My sister is 16 months younger than me, yet has already slept with a lot of guys, and I have never been so much as kissed. I don't know how she does it. She did go to community college and I never did, so that may be why she was able to find guys to sleep with. I've only tried online dating, with as you can expect, meager results.

One time her friend asked her if she ever 69ed with a guy, and she answered, "I don't want to say it here" in front of me- which means she DID and didn't want to discuss it. This put me over the top. While they went clubbing and I decided to stay at home alone, I absolutely went insane with rage, upset, discomfort, embarrassment, jealousy and misery, knowing that she's done crazy things with men and I never have, and I really literally wanted to kill myself to end the pain. I screamed at the top of my lungs several times, but it didn't help me feel better. I even bashed the side of my head against the wall, but not hard enough to do anything. I ended up going to her room and destroying her filtered water bottle by throwing it against the floor, and that's when I panicked. I knew she'd find out and most likely yell at me when her and her friend came back, and I like her friend (female). I didn't want her to think badly of me at all.

So I texted her on her way home that I broke her bottle and to not freak out, but just talk to me privately when they got home.

I was still in tears so she knew I'd been staying up and crying, and I told her privately the truth, because I knew that lying wouldn't get her to stop questioning me about it. I told her everything, except that I was suicidal. She said, "well... everybody's different".

Now I've got a whole new problem, that she KNOWS, and it's embarrassing, and I worry what she may think of me, whether she laughs at me secretly and thinks she's superior to me, like I'm just an ugly little naive child and not a grown up adult woman compared to her- and she's the YOUNGER child. I had a good time when she didn't know, and I could act like I wasn't. Now that's gone completely.

However, I should probably mention that she was also sexually abused by my older brother when she was just a preteen. I've never had any sexual experiences with someone else, positive or negative. I mentioned something about "given her past", I could understand why sleeping around could be something positive for her.

The next day was her birthday. She turned 24. She slept in bed all day, though, and didn't want to do any fun events we'd talked about the days before. When we all finally went to a fancy family dinner at night, she came over in another car with my dad, and arrived visibly depressed and a bit teary eyed. I don't know why. I feel bad that I may have dragged her down and ruined her 24th birthday.

That was months ago. Truthfully, while I was alone in my room trying not to lose control, I desperately tried logging into this forum on my phone so that I could make a post about it, but I couldn't figure out my password. I tried to e-mail a reset password but I couldn't even log into my e-mail on my phone. So I freaked out, with no one able to help me. I did FB message one of my FB friends, but that was only AFTER I already wrecked her water bottle.

The reason why I'm finally posting this now is because my mom, sis and I were driving on the way to the grocery store, and the new Adele "Hello" song came on that she wanted to listen to. I said, "Change it! This is depressing!" and she retorted, "What, like you would know what she's singing about?"
I didn't respond. I've been thinking about that response for the rest of the day. It's too late to point out anything about it and try to "get back at her", especially since that will just lower me MORE and make me look even MORE insecure than ever. How do I get over this? I just want to move out as soon as I possibly can, but how do I live with her until then? I guess the same way as I always did before, when I could mostly forget about the embarrassment and inferiority.

Now I'm going to hate that song even MORE every time I hear it or think about it.