Hi MobiusPsyche,

We have a lot in common . I too have gran mal seizures (have had them since I was 15mo old, I am now 41yr old), depression and borderline personality. I have a few other things too - but I will just stick with the ones we have in common for now, ok?

You said you were diagnosed with your depression and BPD while you were still pretty young. I understand your explanation on not doing much for your BPD back then, did you try anything for depression back then? I saw you mentioned thyroid meds - do you have problems with your thyroid? That too can cause depression to worsen. Did you have any specific traumatic type events that triggered the initial onset of the depression (if you don't want to answer that it's fine).

For me, they actually did have me on hypothroidism meds for a time, but I got to a point I could no longer afford the doc so I no longer take that. I still take meds for my seizures. Mostly though, I try to control my depression by more natural methods because I trust them more than medication, and my BPD I just try to contain through what I am able to learn about DBT.

I am not able to get to an actual DBT therapist not can I afford to buy the books - so I go to a book store that lets me read them there at the store and research information out online as much as possible too.

What types of treatments have you tried - and have any of them been beneficial at all?

Please don't beat yourself up about not seeking help sooner. There is something a good friend of mine once taught me:

"We cannot change the past, we cannot know the future - but by living the best we can now, today, we can make our tommorow better than our yesterday."

She and I no longer talk, but many of the things she taught me remain with me today - so I don't regret the friendship, it helped me grow. Neither should you regret your decision to wait on getting help - you gained something from it, if I had to guess I would say "strength". It takes a lot of strength to survive when you feel like life is never gonna get better for you and you look around to see everyone else happy. I know, it took me til I was 25 to get help - and I had been hurting badly since I was 12. Oh, my step mom and dad took me to counseling for a few months when I was a teen, but it was more of a way of letting me know what a bad child I was than an actual attempt at help. I still have never really received true help but I have been educating myself how to help myself betteer in some ways. So, I understand both your pain and your frustration - but please know, it doesn't have to be a "death sentence". From what I read, it sounds like that's how you perceive it?