For me the answer to the original question is yes and no. I am fairly convinced that therapy saved my life when I first started going. However I am not sure those deep wounds are resolved by therapy and I have certainly felt re-traumatisation in therapy.

I have to accept that T will never be what I want them to be. I totally know this in my head, but emotionally it is more difficult. It's on par with having to accept that my parents could never be what I wanted them to be.

In terms of caring, maybe that's about definition. I can care about a beautiful flower, I can care about a report I write at work and care about a meal that I am preparing. So I can understand that in the same way, T may care about me, about our work together.

But the "caring" is never going to go past this. T is not going to think of me in the way I think of them. How on earth would they live their life if that were the case.

So is it fundamentally flawed? I don't think so, as long as we're seeking the right answers and can be accepting of its constraints. It is what it is, not a perfect solution, but I do not see an alternative to it, it's the best that can be offered.