I had a panic attack tonight; it's been awhile and it definitely wasn't pleasant. Fortunately blasting some heavy metal and writing in my journal about it seems to have helped.

I think it's partly because I'm going to a wedding reception tomorrow -- another old friend, getting married. All the old acquaintances I've kept up with over the years are married now and here I am, 31 and not only unmarried, but a kissless virgin. I can't help but ask myself, 'Where did I go so wrong?' 'What's so terribly wrong with me that women just don't want me?'

Suddenly I feel the urge to get drunk, even though I never drank at all before. I don't want to deal with this ****. I just want to disappear. I'm such a pathetic excuse for a man.