I've just joined this thread - and read the first and last post and nothing in between, so sorry if Im repeating anything. But I just wanted to say I pretty much agree with you Petra5ed. What bugs me, is the lack of a warning, the lack of information. I have very similar issues to you (childhood etc). Fortunately I did a lot of research, and have been on these boards pretty much from the start of my therapy.

I don't think it is correct to say therapy is fundamentally flawed for people like us. However, I do think the approach of withholding information about the journey we are likely to take is flawed. I can see how transference is important in therapy for some people, and how it can help to work through these love issues etc. But I think it is absolutely disgusting that T's allow it to happen with no warning. That is flawed. I wish T's would state quite early on in the relationship that clients do often fall in love with their T's (or whatever) and to lay it on the line that the relationship will never be anything more than T and client. I know my T expected me to fancy him pretty much from the outset. I never did thank god! But it did feel like he was almost encouraging me to feel that way - like thats what he wanted. At first I thought 'my god that man has an enormous ego!'

Fortunately I did the research, found out about transference, decided that is not something I want to explore, and so the second I got even the vaguest inkling I might be headed in that direction, I sacked him. I have absolutely no interest in exploring or working through that kind of shiite, as for me that is not what I want from therapy. So - I really feel for you. Im sorry you're going through that. Seeing and reading your pain has made me realise I made exactly the right decision to get shot of him before my feelings ever developed in to anything more.