Like you said, "crying in anger," that's one interpretation, and if that's a useful interpretation go with it. I'm in a job where I had to use distress tolerance skills (DBT) continually. But after I moved from fear to anger I was in a better position to make a choice in my better interest. For me that means taking a medical leave from my job and to focus on my physical and mental health.

The point I'm getting at side-wise is, choosing a healthier path takes what it takes, tears, tantrums, and other indications that something is not right, until the time comes, and making the change seems inevitable, but would not have been possible without the hard work in between.

I hope you are feeling better, but I also hope that you can sort out your feelings and thoughts.