Hi connect.the.stars.

I wouldn't the word "bad" in that sense, because that might imply that you're having "bad" thoughts.........there's something "bad" about the way you're thinking..........you're "bad" for having those thoughts.........and none of those things are true connect.the.stars.
The truth is that you're having a real hard time and you're struggling, right?
So shall we say that those thoughts really can't feel good for you??
And it's completely understandable how not liking yourself can lead you to feeling that you deserve to be hurt, how you want people to recognise you for what you think you are, how maybe you want to be "punished" too.
So..........the most important thing is the self hatred naturally...........focusing more on what's made/making you feel that way or what's contributing to it and challenging some of the impact of those things (real hard)...........recognising and giving yourself real credit for some of your good qualities (and they will be there, everyone is going to have some good qualities)...........
And maybe you can find more things to help you along the way e.g. getting more support from others, visual reminders of your achievements, CBT stuff (which you can find online even) if we're talking "black and white" thinking............
But connect.the.stars. IMO you really don't deserve to be hurt by others, or by yourself/your thoughts of yourself
So if you can work more on letting go of those feelings..........I know, much easier said than done, but you do deserve to be feeling better about yourself

Alison