I hurt. It's here again, the 'black dog' has arrived again.

I'm considering taking bunch of Ritalins to help me up, like 4*10mg would help I think, anyone ever did this?
I remember I once took 3*10mg and felt very very hyper.

I know it should pass, probably will.
I know the smartest thing is to let go and just be with whatever comes up, whatever sensations/emotions/thoughts - it's too painful though. I want my happy-buzzing-energy back, I need it. It's too heavy.