Ever since I can remember I have participated in counting compulsions, swallowing compulsions (IE, afraid to swallow spit in my mouth while I look at someone who I think isn't attractive or nice because I might take away that quality), and other things like not wanting to step on the cracks in the sidewalk. None of this seemed remotely relevant until as of late.

I became suddenly terrified that I had molested a child in the past, touched a child inappropriately, or touched myself inappropriately in front of a child. The thoughts have reigned my mind day in and day out and I haven't been able to do much else. I've been so distraught and stressed out because of this all, fearing that I might have done these things. Finally I got the strength to ask a second party who was involved in one of my memories if that had ever happened and they said, 'WHAT? No! Are you kidding?!' A memory of when I curiously touched my younger brother's diaper when he was little resurfaced and I got increasingly guilty over it, then wondered if maybe that was his first memory and he feels like I violated him, or if that's why we no longer talk, etc.

Except for the memory of my little brother, all of these memories I really have no past recollection of at all, which is strange because I have an excellent memory. My doctor has diagnosed me with 'mild OCD tendencies' but I have an appointment with a therapist soon.

Has anyone else had these types of problems? I have been so anxious and feeling like a monster lately. It's a rare moment when my mind is free of that useless clutter.