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Old Feb 20, 2016, 04:45 PM
Anonymous37785
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BayBrony View Post
For Me although I am VERY attached and VERY vulnerable with my T I'd never liken it to mother/infant. I'm an adult. I came into therapy with a career, my own coping skills ( some of them really crappy ones, but still), the fundamental abilities the infants and even older children lack---i could refuse to see my T and I would still be fed,clothed, housed, able to communicate, etc eyc---, my own adult relationships ( some of them again, crappy. But still). , my own view of the world etc

To liken yourself to an infant and the T to a mother is to give the T WAY too much power. Yes I was severely abused starting as a very young child( my T says " you were fighting for your own survival from the day you were born). I failed to form any healthy attachment, I didn't.learn object constancy or how to comfort myself in non self destructive ways and I needed a T to help me learn how to attach and experience love and stop trying to destroy myself instead of directing anger at my abusers. But I didn't need her to plan a vacation, buy a car, get a new pet, meet a new friend, try a new sport, buy new business equipment, explore different religions etc etc because I am.also a free adult.

To me the two are nothing alike. My mother tried to drown me before I was old enough to even be able to clearly communicate what had happened to another person. My mother abused me at an age where the only other people I even knew all knew my mother better and would never believe me. At an age where she was literally large enough to kill me. Where she could control whether I got food, whether I could leave the house, where she was in the room with the pediatrician so I couldn't tell that she scrubbed my genitals til they bled.

My T doesn't have anything like that power.

To say a T has that kind of power over an adult is ridiculous and denies the real powerlessness abused children experience
Our stories have some parallels. I emphasized with you, and am so so sorry for all that has happened to you.

I think it is extremely rare that a therapist has that kind of power over an adult client. We are not infants. They are not our parents. Every time I left the therapist office I knew that I had adult responsibilities. I did get into head spaces where I was unadulted, but had to step back in when life called me to be an adult. To deal with it I used emails, extra sessions, phone calls, and a lot of alone tome bring with the feelings. I do admit the my adult life was crappie, but it was that way for me, before therapy.

I agree with you about the power issue. And, I don't accept that psychotherapy is inherently flawed. Just filled with a lot of mystery. What done call malarkey.
Thanks for this!
BayBrony