Newtus, let me tell you about my university experience...
I was the only one amongst my siblings to graduate high school. I was the only one in my entire family to graduate from a university. I had a 3.8 GPA my 3rd year. I took part in the Philosophy club and its conferences every year. I did the biggest speech the university had to offer, the Symposium. Then I all of a sudden felt alienated... and I felt people were looking at me strange. At work my friends seemed like they were trying to hurt my feelings over and over. I had one weekness, which I dare not say but it would crush anyone who shared the same experience as I. Almost a year of losing all of my friends. a year of losing my job and asking if people would please stop hacking my computer, my phone and bugging my apartment. Then my professors started to bring up things about my history and how they perceived me. They were talking about morals and how might makes right, about the peter pan syndrome in the country, one professor used me as an example of an evolutionary misfire. Meaning I wont procreate due to my faults. another one pointed the finger at another classmate and said she could take part in a philosophers happy can't then looked at me and said while Stephen can go to philosophers boot camp for ditch diggers. Yes he actually said that as a jest. over and and over and over. They, I swear to god, called me Meno for a essay I wrote. Meno is a slave owner who can't be taught, he was an asshole, and thinks he knows everything. They called me that. the blows. Id go home and just look at myself thinking what have I become.

I had nothing. Nothing.

After the professsors treated me unfairly, which they did, I had to go tell someone to have them stop. My heart was racing. I tried to kill myself,. I even wrote a letter. Then... I went to affirmative action and the police. I wrote down everything. thinking they were part of this persecution that I found myself in. I was trying to talk to my psychologist but she said she was busy. So I saw another man. I talked and told him the whole story. he said, " excuse me just one second. " He left. (I presume he went tot he head of the place to get me admitted before I destroy my future. He came back in with the saddest face. he told me where affirmative action was I went there and the police.

After that I then continued through the disaster. Then I saw my psychologist after a couple of weeks and she said that I should go to the hospital because I think it may be soemthiung biological. I said no and that it was my mothers birthday. She said I understand Ill be right back. She came in we talked, and then... Knock, knock, knock. The police showed up.

THey strapped me in a gorny in front of the university and I was shipped to the hospital. It was horrible. I told my story, and then the psychologist said, you have the univeristies attention! If there is any way to do that it is through this kind of harassment. They thought I was delusional. he said. I asked him If I was going to be thrown out of the university. His first question is if I hear voices. No I do not. question after question and they gave me a barbaric drug and I had akethasia that was Horrible. I just wanted to die. My future, my friends, my job, everything lost.

After a week on valentines day they let me go. I was told to wait a week and just relax (to0 let the medicine kick in). I then saw my psychologist and we agreed to make a n apology letter. I did. and I sent it to the professors. No response for them at all. Nothing. silence. I still had class with one of them. He showed his cards just by hos he would snub me every chance he had. My cognitive capacity declined because of all the stress I went under. Hippocampus is the center for memory and it shrinks under stress. I had to ask people to repeat what they said, suffer through akethasia. watching my future fly away. I couldn't think. I had severe depression that arised when my delusions did. However, I was only given sz med. I felt like a pup that was abused in a cage.

Then one of my friends talked to a professor and he said thaty I never gave them a real apology. So I wrote a simple letter saying.

I would like to see you and say that I'm truly sorry for what transpired due to my mental illness.

No response at all.

I was given the ditchdiggers bootcamp for philoosphers all along. I stuck through and finished. It was the hardest thing I ever did, completing a degree even though Ill never get to teach, never get a letter of recommendation. It was over. I was put on a new drug, given anti depressants over time, hit with more disorders and having to take more meds with more side effects. that 3.8 gpa slid to a 3.3 and I tried to take the easy classes just because of my condition.

So I graduated, Now what, Stephen? I barely got my old job back. Even with my best friends, who worked there, said not to hire me. I talked to one awhile ago and he was drunk. He said he was so happy that the philosophy professors denied you because it meant I didn't mistreat you because if they did then it was the right thing to do. That crushed me. What a friend, right,

I wish I never went to the university. I threw my physical actual degree in the trash, just the way that you treated the DSM manual. My psychologist, when I saw him he said that you should be really proud of yourself. Not many people graduate after something like this. He told me that I had a lot of courage and diligence and I told him it was all for nothing. I put my head down and walked out of the health center on campus.

You already know your diagnosis. So, you have a leg up on me. You know to check yourself. I see you do it all the time. You're trying to graduate which is great. Take your time, enjoy learning things of first importance. What matters to you. If you don't graduate then consider how much you saved. There is some utility in a degree. I am jaded though. I wish I never went. 80% of what I know is from the library. that I went to every weekend from open to close. I still go! Newtus, find a goal, a mission, something you'll never bore of, like the rose that never wilts. If you discover whatever that is, you will be unstoppable. That's what I did. I still have that mission, the reason I write. No professor can take that away. take your time and take a variety of classes until something crystalizes. Don't worry about pressure from others.

Newtus. before I went to my university I went to a community college for like 5 years just having fun. I loved the community college and its professors there. I still am friends with one of them. Just explore for now and see where it may take you. Ask yourself before class, "how will this course better me?" Philosophy is a hard degree because of how critical it is. but I felt at home and I loved the challenge until I hit the sz wall. You're feeling pressure from other people, just think of it as an experience you don't want to end, like life. Nobody wants to stop lerning about what they love. Sometimes that's the fun, that youre taking interesting classes, instead of going to the Harvard business classes, no offence from that school. What keeps you up at night?

Look at yourself, examine yourself, know what kind of being you are, Your limitations and your possibilities, and somewhere in there your life is rooted. These are tough statements but they're essential to self constructed criticism. What's going to be your contribution to the world?