I have been struggling with severe depression for over a year. It is so bad that I tried to commit suicide 6 months ago but wised up after I swallowed the pills and got help. This just sucks and I feel very empty.
I went a year relying on other people to make me happy. It became very unhealthy so my friends all left. One of them decided to give me another chance last night. I said some very hurtful things in the relationship and I told her that I didn't mean it and I loved her very much. It didn't come from any seed in my heart and ect. Which is true. She told me she didn't hate me but she didn't want to be my friend the same way again. She has also apparently become very chummy with my other friends and they have been hanging out which makes me feel crappy.
I shut down when we hung out. Im trying to put this behind me so I didn't really say anything to her other then I am really sorry for what I did. She hugged me and said she loved me but was happy just being "somewhat friends". Honestly..... I feel worse then ever and think I would much rather just be alone vs have a "kind of friend." When I told her I was hurt she said that I had to understand that I am unhealthy and toxic to everyone.... Which I understand but it still hurt. I guess I want to be loved and accepted again and I cant have that. And I know I did this to myself which makes me feel worse. I almost just want to be alone forever. I cant hurt anyone and they cant hurt me.