Came back to this thread to reply to things and to let out another frustration I remembered after spending time time reading psych articles.

Replies:

I can totally imagine a relationship without sex (not without touch though. Cuddling or kissing isn't as sexual as, well, sex, not to me at least.... though I wonder if I would like those, even). I guess I still wonder what's the big deal. Also, asexuals and relationships is something I considered. Someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction shouldn't be able to experience love of love is just a reproductive urge. But that isn't the case.

My little "theory" mostly just comes from observation. In actual, lasting human relationships there's always more than just sexual attraction. The partners feel understood, or like the other is their best friend. They share thoughts and experiences - they bond, basically. Also, I have a hard time believing that sexiness can actually hold a relationship together for years. The thing about emotional intensity fading - you're referring to the honeymoon period, right? After that, I understood the relationship "settles" in a way, into a quieter kind of bonding.

Vent:
Inherent narcissism. Everyone is more concerned with themselves. No one truly cares about you, no one wants to hear about your life. But everyone also wants to feel heard and known and cared for. Another huge confusion, another frustrating impasse. I want, desperately, to be heard and cared about, but any attention anyone else gives me is just fake, socially dictated tolerance. Worse, I absolutely recognize this in myself and it disgusts me. I hate how self-absorbed I am and wish I could genuinely care about the thoughts and feelings and lives of others. I have an awful habit of either using people as receptacles for my feelings, as sources of feedback, or ignoring them. I hate this about myself because it feels freakish, even monstrous. But everyone is the exact same way and that's just horrifying.

This refers to friends as well as romantic partners.