I'm not "officially" Borderline as my therapist doesn't like putting labels on things. When I flat out asked him he kind of turned it to a discussion of dealing with issues rather than worrying about labels. I think I fit the bill with the exception of suicide attempts/ideation.

We're discussing my relationships. I'm explaining how I pretty much managed to DESTROY the good ones and how I did this to really good guys by completely driving them away. This brings us to a discussion of WHY. I never thought about that before. I made a million excuses - I was bored, they had no backbone. That's the kicker, the very thing that kept me so enthralled at the beginning - the way they worshipped me - is the very thing that disgusted me at the end. This was the pattern of my relationship. I love you, I love you, I want to spend every waking minute with you drinking you in and then GO THE FVCK AWAY!

Of course then I'd regret this and I'd go through it a few times before they finally got tired and decided to move on and not deal with my BS anymore. So there wasn't this clingy "Please don't leave me thing" going on, it was more a "I'm going to leave you before you can hurt me." That obviously wasn't my conscious thought, but in hindsight, it seems fairly accurate. I felt undeserving of all the love they were throwing at me.

11 months was my longest relationship until I met my first husband. I left a little before we would have made three years. I'm married now for close to 5 years, but the only reason that has probably lasted is because we never get to see each other - we are currently living apart. For that reason I can't get into my cycle. I don't get to be all over him to the point where I then have to drive him away.

So, for all of you people who know you're Borderline and have been dealing with this - how long was your longest relationship? I'm just curious if anything that I've said sounds familiar to anyone as well.

I appreciate you reading this far.