...
Vent:
Inherent narcissism. Everyone is more concerned with themselves. No one truly cares about you, no one wants to hear about your life. But everyone also wants to feel heard and known and cared for. Another huge confusion, another frustrating impasse. I want, desperately, to be heard and cared about, but any attention anyone else gives me is just fake, socially dictated tolerance. Worse, I absolutely recognize this in myself and it disgusts me. I hate how self-absorbed I am and wish I could genuinely care about the thoughts and feelings and lives of others. I have an awful habit of either using people as receptacles for my feelings, as sources of feedback, or ignoring them. I hate this about myself because it feels freakish, even monstrous. But everyone is the exact same way and that's just horrifying.

This refers to friends as well as romantic partners.