Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiesmom
My friend has suddenly kind of been less than nice lately. I am not treated well by her and she says that it's my own fault. She makes me feel at fault for things (all things). I could probably say "you look great today" and rather than enjoy that, she makes me feel guilty for neglecting to say that she looked great yesterday. She takes things I say and kind of turns them inside out and around and then I feel like dirt.
I know she could be dealing with an issue that I'm not aware of, but what if she's not?
Is it my own self-esteem issue that makes me only see it as my fault?
My logic is totally failing me here. Friends should not make you feel like dirt. If they do, then they are not friends. Right?
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Sorry to hear that! She sounds mean. Is it possible that she's a narcissist? You need to speak up and tell her that it's not right to talk to you that way and that you deserve to be treated with respect. Make sure that you tell her that in person and not over the phone, text, or email to where anything you say might be misinterpreted.
And she won't have the chance to ignore you as well. Make sure that you two are alone somewhere private so that she can save face and be able to talk to you openly back (hopefully). Keep the tone of your voice down and just act concerned about your friendship and how what she's doing is hurting your feelings and making you feel bad about yourself.
You could start out by saying, I know that you've been going through a roudh time lately, but that doesn't give you the right to put me down. I'm not a doormat. I value your friendship, but if this behaviour continues, I'll have to stop seeing you until your behaviour towards me changes. Never say you are thoughtless, rude, or use any kind of accusatory language.
And you can use the same example that you used above and tell her well, when I compliment someone, they usually say thank you. And then tell her that it's unrealistic to always be complimenting her all the time. Maybe then she'll start to see that her behaviour is weird, rude, and not normal. It sounds like she has self esteem issues, or maybe she's just a very vain and egocentric person.
After you do this if she still continues with her rude behaviour, then take action and avoid her until SHE apologizes to you, or stops being rude to you.
Also, the next time that she blames you for something being your fault, tell her that it wasn't, and then change the subject. It sounds like she might be trying to bring you down in order to feel better about herself. If she was my friend, I'd 86 her if she didn't change pronto. Who needs negative friends like that?
Don't wait to talk to her in person. Do it soon. If you let people treat you like crap, then most people will do just that. Don't let other people treat you like a doormat. You have to be assertive in order to get the respect that you deserve.