I have concerns similar to what others have said. But one of the biggest things that jumped out at me from your story is the repeated apologies for and regrets about saying what you felt. That's a BIG red flag for me. Feeling a constant need to filter your true feelings is dangerous. I know from experience that modifying your feelings to avoid others getting upset easily leads you down a path of being in situations and relationships in which you are not your true self. Working on my self-esteem and people-pleasing tendencies has left me a much happier person in a much healthier relationship. And it's my hope that you'll find the same. In the meantime, give yourself time to heal and love yourself. I firmly believe that every person comes into our lives to teach us a lesson, whether the relationship lasts or it doesn't.