Quote:
Originally Posted by frackfrackfrack
SallyBrown, thanks for your post above. I wonder if you have any advice for me. I think I would like to benefit from therapy and from this attraction to T, but I cannot articulate properly how. For example, I think that I would like to hear him state more precisely how my desire affects him, and how it affects his (therapy) care for me. But I feel he avoids talking about it at all - maybe because he feels that bringing his feelings into things is a bad thing?
I know that it affects how I speak with him. For example I am hesitant to express freely how happy I am with the new person I am seeing, how nice the sex is, etc. for fear of it paining him. I know the thing to do is bring this point up and hope for the best....
I don't know, I guess I wondered if you had any advice for my particular situation about how to best use it in therapy.
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Hey, just wanted to let you know I saw this and have been thinking about it. I don't have much time to post these days so it might be a while, but I really do want to respond.
I really feel what you're saying. I have been with my T for 9 years (!) so there have been many different phases to our relationship. Overall, I think it's important to be patient and flexible -- and to have a patient and flexible T.
To your last point, I'm actually going through something similar now, where I have something to bring up, but I also have a lot of baggage around it, and specific concerns about the discussion. What's worked for me is talking about the stuff I'm worried about first. Sometimes I try to just suck it up and bring things up, but that isn't always a permanent solution, and it can perpetuate misunderstandings.
Another thing is taking time -- both in and out of therapy -- to examine why you want to know what you want to know. It's important that it's the information you want, that will help you. My biggest thing is avoiding asking questions where rather than wanting to know the real answer, what I want is to be told what I want to hear. It's always good to ask, what if he says something that isn't what I was hoping for? Will it be worthwhile, or will it cause me nothing but grief?
Hoping to get back to you later. PM me anytime, too
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