aw. why does everyone think i'm trying to avoid him :-( its just too hard is all. overwhelming. i don't understand why it needs to be that way :-(

i told t some more about mr. man today. told him that i call him nearly every day and that i missed him a lot. haven't really talked to him about the physical intimacy aspect... think i told him one tuesday that i told mr. man i needed things to go slow... then next friday he said something about things going slow and i blushed and hung my head and covered my face a little and said 'that was last week'. thats all i've told him about physical intimacy with mr. man.

but that being said... i have been reading up on erotic transference tonight. hmm. hmm. hmmmmmmmm.

i enjoyed the physical intimacy with mr. man. i was the major instigator with that if anyone was. but then... i worry a bit... about how i really didn't want him to leave me (emotionally). about how i really wanted to keep him... about how maybe i did a little more with him than i would have if i wasn't so %#@&#! up :-( i'm scared.