I am on a lot of meds. I decided to take Ativan as a supplement for my addiction, to keep me off of other drugs and from panicking and drinking. It has helped.

I used to drink about a pint every other night, and had huge issues with opiates and OD'ing in the past, which has not occurred. But I keep finding myself abusing my ativan, taking an extra two here and there to sleep, taking four at a time just out of impulse. Plus I drank a 24oz. beer today and I don't even like to drink.

I tried going to 12 step meetings but I always relapse. Is it just not time yet in my mind to give it up or what? Hopefully as time goes on I will lose my taste for the alcohol, but the abuse of the Ativan is a big issue. I one time took 12 of them for no reason, and suffered hallucinations and withdrawals.

I am a lot more stable now but am still worried about the addiction. I just wish I had something to give me a rush or to ease the trouble in my heart.