Yes, thanks kris... you are so right about the PTSD it's the catastrophizing I'm trying to guard against. But I always did that in a panic mode... this time... it's calculating instead.

I went and checked sites about the leukemia... it fits. It all fits, right down to the symptoms of MS which other doctors dx'd me as possibly having, had MRIs... "only" myelopathy... this fits too. The anemia, loss of weight, up to 3 years latency ( 2 1/2 years since "bite"), back pain lower body problems in legs, etc, spinal cord, I won't continue...

I almost hope for confirmation. Finally, I will have closure on a terrible, miserable (and miserably lived) life. Closure on such failure!

Got to go... my church service in on tv... guess I get to have church today anyway!