[Thank you for your clarification. This is what I was looking for.

I think almost every person has been in your position. I think everyone wants to lose their virginity and then freak out when it doesn't happen by the time you're 18. I was the same way. I thought 18 would be the magical year that I would lose it and that all would be right in the world. I was very depressed when 19 came around and I was still a virgin. I didn't lose my virginity until age 21. I came up with a solid reasoning that I had "two" first times. I am someone who believes that any type of sex would count as losing your virginity, even oral sex. That's why I had waited so long, because I wasn't going to just give someone a BJ without intercourse. Well, that did happen though. My best friend who was gay wanted to know what it was like to have sex with a girl. I gave him a BJ, but when he came out with a condom on I freaked out and said no. I then had intercourse with another gay man a week later, but to me, I feel like I have had two first times, and that the first guy still counted in part of helping me lose my virginity.

Well, now that I am no longer a virgin, I'm not that into sex. I am obsessed with giving guys BJs, and once I give someone a BJ I want more and more. Sex can be a little addicting sometimes, once you've found something you really enjoy. I hate intercourse to be honest and at age 23 I've never had an orgasm from any methods of sex. I've tried **** but it is very painful and I've never gone ten seconds receiving ****.

To be honest, relationships are hard. I'm 23 and I've never been in a relationship. I've had sex with 6 guys and a girl with two of those people being in a threesome. The threesome was awful, it was with a coworker and her boyfriend, and later the boyfriend threatened to slash my tires and I had to have my boss walk me to my car I was so scared. Luckily for me, the girl quit, the guy quit his job, I quit my job, and now I work where he used to work. It all worked out for the best.

I've had a terrible time with "relationships". I've come between three couples, breaking up two. One couple were two of my best friends, and it just got messy. The second was my cowoker and her boyfriend, but they had their own issues. The third one was the gay guy I gave a blowjob two, and he told me he wanted to distance our friendship because of it. I don't remember the names of most people I've dated. It doesn't matter. When I date I want to aim for the long term, but none of the guys I've dated have made it past a month. I'm terrible with relationships. I've tried OKCupid, but that is very difficult for me to do. So don't feel bad that you've never been in a relationship...neither have I, and it's extremely hard work.

See, there's a bit of sibling rivalry with all siblings. I'm very jealous of my brother. He's very good looking compared to me, fit, a Marine, very good with people, very smart, a jokester and until he became a Marine he always had a very attractive girlfriend. My parents would always say "All the chicks dig Darien" and I have never had that attention from any boy. I'm jealous that my brother knows what he wants and has found himself a career right out of the gate, when I am 23 and still working minimum wage in fast food. All siblings have rivalry, but it's important to know that no matter how angry we get that they are our brother and sister and we are family and we love each other.

That's the thing, sex is very complicated. I don't believe that most people have only meaningless sex. I've had several hookups but I usually feel dirty afterwards. I'm someone who gets scared having sex. I'm always afraid I'll start crying during sex especially if I'm actually into the guy I am having sex with. Although, you do have some fun times having sex if it's the right person.

Yeah, I understand what you mean about being guilty about the water bottle. I am glad you admitted to your sister rather than hide it. I've broken things in anger, and my Dad and I have to lie about the scuff in the kitchen that my mom thinks that the coffee table did when in reality I got mad and smashed a plate on the ground.

I am glad we came to an understanding. Just know that yes, it's hard when you're still anticipating for sex to happen, but don't let it consume you or be hard on yourself for it. It will happen.