First of all thank you. I completely agree. That's a huge issue right now. He knows my girls come first. He's been saying it this whole time. I almost feel like he's trying to use that as the reason why we're having issues instead of looking at the big picture. He's really good to all 3 of us. My girls like him but they're 11 and 13, they do think he's a lot older and somewhat boring but that's normal and I get it. I know they don't like that he wants so much of my attention. We used to go out a lot together with his boys and their wives and everything was good. The girls have witnessed his family bringing up his ex in conversations. Usually they talk bad about her. Nothing good. It's just an uncomfortable situation. I don't know how to respond. To his boys I just try to validate their feelings but won't comment on her character which is hard to do. She did a lot of damage and it's visible. The day I left ..his best friend started talking about her and he asked me what I thought about all the damage she did and I told him I did not feel comfortable talking about her. He then started going on about how it's normal and that's his ex and that yes, 30 yrs was a long time and no matter how unfaithful and destructive she was he(bf) was faithful and devoted to her and that I should respect that. That's when I got upset. I felt like I was nothing in that moment.
Maybe it's me. That's why I'm asking because I'm damaged too. I don't want to make the same mistake I made the first time. My ex was my first bf, I was married 13yrs and it wasn't a good marriage. It took me a long time to move on. I made a lot of sacrifices to make things work. I stayed for my girls not realizing that the inevitable would come regardless. I stopped trying when my girls who were only 7 and 9 at the time asked me to just let him go already. They didn't want their dad, he hurt us all the same.
I have no contact w/my ex. I have full legal and physical custody of my girls. Per therapist recommendations they have no contact with their dad. My bf and his sons also have no contact w/his ex. He's been separated for 3yrs. I've been separated for 4yrs.
It just hurts. I don't like the feelings that come with being in a relationship. I didn't want my marriage to end. I already feel like a failure. But at the same time, I don't want to be alone. I want a family. I want a companion. Someone I can lean on when I can't go on. Someone to laugh and share a laugh with. I don't ask for much. I work full time and take care of myself and my girls. I'm a good person. I just want someone to put me first. Is that too much to ask for? Am I expecting too much? Should I overlook this?
He's hurt because now I'm not spending time with him. We talk and text everyday and have our date night once a week. It's not enough for him, he told me. But he doesn't make me feel safe in him right now. He told me he feels like I'm pushing him away and I am. I can't talk to him though because I already know it's a dead end. I'm really sad and heartbroken.

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