****May be triggering to trauma survivors***

Do you feel your T gets it?

I guess this question is aimed for trauma survivors...or anyone who can relate-

Do you feel your T understands what you went through? How difficult it was? How it affected/affects you?

Is it important for T to understand what you went through?

For clarity, "Pdoc" is the abusive psychiatrist, "PrevT"is the therapist I saw during the abuse years ago. "T" is the therapist I see now:

The anniversary of the abuse has come and gone but it's affected me worse this year than last. Maybe it's because T and I are in a different place in our relationship. Maybe this year I feel more confident talking about the abuse...maybe not.

I'm not trying to dwell on the abuse but I get flashes of certain things. I can look back on it many years out and discover I still have questions that I have not thought to ask before. I have feelings that I have not explored before.

I'm trying to tell my story to T, again, and I feel I am not explaining it accurately. I feel that T does not understand what it was like...and I desperately want her to understand. Do you feel that way like you can't explain the abuse accurately? Do you feel like your T doesn't understand?

I have come up with- it is impossible for T or PrevT to know what it's like - now or then- because they weren't there. It didn't happen to them.

This might come off as disjointed, but I want to add...I saw PrevT for five years. At the end of that time, I realized she never expressed much anger at all toward PerpDoc. I called her on it and she said that she did feel angry- but she didn't want her feelings to dilute my memories or testimony for my legal cases. She admitted she might have waited too late to express her feelings.

I needed her to be angry, too...

Recently, I thought of questions about the abuse to ask PrevT...thinking she would, at least, have input about the matter. She was there right after it happened...and she was there throughout the legal proceedings...and during my many hospitalizations. But PrevT doesn't know the answers. I accept that.

But I feel so alone in this madness.