I lost a cousin last night to lung cancer. She was probably one of the cousins that I was closest to and had more memories with. She was 18 when I was born, but we did a lot of stuff together as I grew up. My other cousins never thought to call me and tell me how she was doing. I just found out shortly before her death how sick she was. I'm hurting in many ways right now. but in her honor, today is my last day as a smoker. I don't want to cough myself to death. I don't want to die alone.
I long to feel connected to someone I feel so alone and in pain right now.