I am in a very terrible mood these two days, so, I guess that is why I am writing many posts aimlessly and without any real benefit. But who knows if something will happen.

I read many self-help books (obviously, to no avail) to improve myself, socially and in every aspect of life. The premise of the books is that you need to change yourself for your reality to change. I think this is true to a large extent, and I have been telling others this.

But sometimes I feel inner change is almost impossible. Like in my case, after spending many years alone, while trying to change and failing every single time, I think if nothing is changed in my life, it is almost impossible going to change. I need (may be a tiny) positive change in my reality to trigger major changes in my inner life. Am I delusional in this and running after a mirage?

I also appreciate if you write something you relate with what I wrote.