Hi this is my first post here. I posted this the the bipolar forum as it's kind of my home but wanting as much feedback as possible.

I have to go back into my old work & ask for my old job back. Ill probably have to redo all the orientation & training.

I feel ashamed & embarrassed to return. I ended up quitting my job just before Christmas last year & telling them I'm going back to uni & doing this & that. Turns out I can't afford the course. So I'm not applying to work in the mental health area like I said I would. I'm too scared to push myself & go to another area (med/surg wards), I barely coped with the transition into the ED when I started in May last year, I don't plan on redoing that experience ever again. So I feel like at least I know this role & the people now, it's not as big of a leap to go back.

I haven't really sorted out my head like I thought I would so I can't return in full health with pride. I have to go back & beg for considerations so I don't have to do night duty or all afternoon/evening shifts. New pdoc will not fill out medical exemption form for night duties as he feels anxiety may be more to blame than bipolar, I quote "I do not see a clear cut bipolar disorder here." I feel that he needs to get his head out of his *** & move beyond only dx obvious BP1. I need to go back to see my old pdoc who originally dx me when I go home to visit soon.

I just don't know how to approach my manager who so far has been supportive but not with rostering. The roster is the main issue. Also I haven't been the ideal staff member & I'm not the most reliable so I don't get given many provisions. I'm not even sure if I will get my job back. & I have a mortgage to pay & no chance of obtaining disability payments in Aus. So my partner foots all the bills & is becoming less patient.

I don't even know how to explain this whole mess of confusion to her. I'm sure they will recognise how all over the place I am once I try to explain myself. & I always end up in tears.