Come to think of it, it does feel that way. I guess it just seems so long and so complicated, and unfortunately, I have yet to find a neurofeedback date while all these new fragments are spilling up, and I'm terrified that the story's going to end badly. Some of my family have compared it to similar instances when I was a kid when I'd have fears of sharks, but this is a lot different. Maybe I'm just scared of what it will all mean. What I'll find. And what else I'll find with it. And I have to tell myself time and again that I'm not stupid or a coward, even if it takes a lot of practice.

As for the waking up part -- I think anxiety could be the case. It calls back to those awful moments when I'd wake up with my heart beating really fast, back when the flashes started. My therapist...I don't know when I'll meet with her (we kind of alternate on different weeks; on one week it's Thursday, on another it's a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday thing), but I'll bring it up. I'm also thinking of dialing back on a meditation app I'm using for the time being (or changing the settings) so I can get to sleep with minimal weird dreams/nightmares. (I also have group therapy, so I could talk about my sleep woes there)