I felt sad and ashamed for having disappointed her and felt love for her. I think the giving her back the coins meant that I couldn't take anything in good conscience from her because I didn't deserve it. Yes, maybe the coins even represented her son, her value, the prize.

I am so ashamed I wasn't able to just be healthy in the relationship despite his mistreatment of me. He's not my ex yet. We've been struggling this whole time.