Hello. I was intensely miserable yesterday. Little things drove me insane. What feels like a hole in my head and chest almost always present except for those rare happy minutes and the numb moments. I've tried to do the things that made me happy but it's just such subtle stuff sometimes that affect my mood that I either forget it or trying to cope doesn't significantly help. Or trying to cope gets boring and maybe I'd rather just rage? No... but the emotions are so intense that controlling it is harder than acting it out at times. Maybe I need to find better ways to act it out but those things don't feel right yet...
Or I put my all in to improving myself and it still doesn't help. I guess it's my learned helplessness keeping me depressed too, there's other stuff but I don't really wanna write it down.

Anyway so what do you guys with treatment resistant depression do that helps?
Is the right combination of medication the answer? kinda rambled about bpd but this is what I want to know. I know that participating on the forums helps but I've been keeping to myself. Maybe my demons don't want to be abandoned and that's why it's not getting better. This post is also not very well written. Sorry about that.

(demons=metaphor. I do not believe they are really demons.)