I was diagnosed with bipolar 18 months ago. I had a major issue with meds nearly a year ago and since then have been med free. It's been hard since then but I've managed despite highs and lows. Problems is for last few weeks I've get awful. I mean awful is an understatement. This thing is crippling me. Anxious, agitated, racing thoughts, depressed suicidual thoughts, talkative, desperate to drink to stop, lack of sleep, nightmares when I do sleep, absolute rage. I've never experienced such a mishmash if emotions. I hate it. I spoke to psych today and she believes I'm having a mixed episode. I've never heard of them and I don't understand them. I've tried searching online but there's so little actual information about them. I need to understand it, I have to understand it. I can't not understand it. Why am I feeling like this, how is it even possible to feel so much different stuff? I feel overwhelmed... Psych is starting me on meds again tomorrow but I know it's going to take time. What do I do in the mean time, I can't keep feeing like this. I can't. My mind is going so fast. I'm aware of everything, this isn't like when I'm manic, this is different. I don't get it. Help. Please