I feel like I've been so quiet and ignorant the last year or so, not really responding to personal PMs or visitor messages and hardly posting on the board. Last year and a half has been a bit of a roller coaster, 6 months of which (broken up into 3 admissions) has been in hospital.

Been so unsure of who I am or what the future holds that essentially I started to close down (a kind of defense mechanism I guess).

Last week, I got some closure on one of the root problems; whether or not I had a specific dx (in addition to depression and gad) - Aspergers.

For the last 2 years, I have been waiting on the NHS (British health service) for this dx... and during that time, other p-docs have treated me in hospital under the assumption that it was a personality disorder (specifically borderline... mainly based on the issue that I self harmed).

Well, it turns out that yes, I do have Aspergers... a bit of a revelation to me as I was staying cautiously skeptical until confirmation... and as such, it has given me the closure I was hoping for... a sort of foundation rock to accept and move on from.

Still got a lot of self growth to develop as to this point I guess I was doing my best to play act 'not' being on the autistic spectrum... because I didn't know I was... and more to the point, I didn't know what was wrong with me (social awkwardness, confusion surrounding emotion in myself and others etc).

With that closure, and a bit more certainty in dealing with my own issues, it has given me the courage to start posting again and hopefully be supportive of others (outside of my usual staff role).

So yeah, sorry in general... and sorry to the handful of members who have gone above and beyond in being there for me

I can say with some certainty, that the last line of my signature is accurate; I'm back