MP: Out to get me, I don't think that. But I am not the only one who took your initial comments as a sort of therapist-like invalidation of client vulnerability, client harm. And you were lecturing some, stating things that are self evident as if I am a moron. Exhibit A: "Like I have said to you before, there are always two sides to the story." However, I am not clear where you are addressing me and where you are speaking generally, so not sure how to take some of it...

Of course I can take things from what you say above. There are things I do relate to, things I have thought myself. But it's a very long post and I have no idea what to do with so many thoughts and ideas, here in this thread.

It's great that you have a measure of forgiveness for your T. I do too, always have, and much of my outrage is for the system. But I also can see quite clearly that she failed in ways that are not ok, while sticking me with responsibility. It was abusive, dangerously so. I bent over backward to understand how she is wounded, how she was triggered. I read books that discussed T vulnerabilities. I tried to get her to help me understand her pain. She refused to be honest and transparent. In a way I became the T at the end, more mature, and more diligent. She was able to act erratically and with self interest. The system supported all of that, because the T makes the rules.

I dont understand at all these notions of this being just another relationship, or letting the T and the system off the hook cuz Ts are human. If the T is going to act out their own personal drama and unconscious impulses, then I fail to see the point. And given that the client is sometimes in an extremely vulnerable position, this sort of duplicity can amount to a an unethical and destructive train wreck. I paid precisely for the privilege of having the other person's neuroses sufficiently contained to keep me safe.