Songweaver,

I relate very much to what you wrote. I was diagnosed with personality disorders (both dependent before anything else, years ago. Those keep coming back up, and I'm currently in treatment for DPD and anxiety (the last diagnoses that I was told, anyway). I've also had depression, social anxiety, and I keep trying to diagnose myself with more too. One of my pet theories is that long-standing depression is probably always related to something, such as a personality disorder or something else. I think that treating the depression symptoms is never going to solve the problem until whatever is at the root of it is addressed.

But theory and diagnoses only go so far. They aren't real life. I had a controlling and overprotective mother, and an aloof, emotionally absent father. When you grow up not being allowed to experience the world for yourself and try things out and take risks and make your own decisions, it is really hard to get over doubting yourself and being afraid of messing up. I always think that I am always wrong and everyone else is always right. If I get yelled at or criticized, then I must deserve it somehow. What I want doesn't matter. But that's staying in the victim role. It's so hard to change, but now is our chance. If not now, then when? We all make mistakes - that is how we learn. Why should that count more than the things that we do well? Why can't we accept that there are things that we do well, even better than our critics could do?

TC, and Welcome to PC.

Rap