Although I don't have any particular board that I visit, I'm in bed with my iPad 99% of my waking hours. I have a caregiver who is supposed to be here 3-4 days a week but I generally only have her come once a week. The only time that I leave my apartment is when I go to therapy or another doctor's appointment.

So I can go weeks seeing a single person a week.

Yesterday, when I was either having the oddest and most frightening panic attack ever or having genuine physical reactions (and I still don't know which), I wondered if I might be dying of loneliness. I don't think that's really possible but, at the time, with my mind rushing, it seemed plausible.

I'm unable to find transportation that is both affordable and reliable so I'm unable to work. Our metro transportation is affordable but it's a +/- 2 hour so I could, for example, go to one of the urban parks but what's the point?

I feel very much as you feel and I use the same word to describe what I feel when I consider either going out or (God forbid) having people come into my apartment: terrified. I would love to have some sort of contact with others but I'm terrified at actually taking a step towards that.

Don't become like me. I also realized yesterday that I'm beyond the point of reversing this downward spiral. Beyond help from others or helping myself. Yesterday was a milestone for me. The day that I realized that I have no hope left at all. I had just a bit previously. Or I lied to myself and others and said that I had no hope but had a smidgeon and realized yesterday that I had none whatsoever after all.

Because of my transportation issues, I've never looked into anything like book clubs or other social organizations ... or even the somewhat informal group therapies that are free an open to anyone that my therapist has recommended.

I can't really give anyone advice because I didn't find a solution to the sleep/eat/sleep/eat cycle. I failed. I gave up. All I can do is try to encourage others to make some effort to avoid ending up like me.

Of course you're depressed. I did the same that you're doing – replaced direct human societal contact with the artificial yet very real contact of segments of societal 'pockets' made up by various interests on the web.

That you would be attracted to this particular pocket isn't unusual – I was kind of shocked to see how many posts you've made since being here less than two entire months! – because this format has so much to offer. A place where you can come and anonymously share your feelings and emotions in conversations that offer more support and optimism than judgement. Of course this is a better place to be! Folks here empathize almost immediately – the welcomes are sincere, emotions are raw and open, there are feelings of belonging and acceptance and if there are 'judgements' they will gentle and well-meaning. I don't spend a lot of time here but I know that I've never read any cruel words directed any member.

I don't know a thing about you but the fact that you've been obsessed with PC for a couple of months seems a better use of technology than playing video games or becoming addicted to online pornography. I'll read some of your other messages but from what I've read here I'm assuming that you've isolated out of fear (of others? Of leaving your safe spot?), that you've recognized that you're really not comfortable in your isolation but that you feel terrorified when you think of how to socialize?

Do you know exactly what you feel and why? You may have already discussed that but if you could point me to particular threads it would keep me from going through your mountain of threads.

Call back...