This is a difficult situation, and I really give you points for asking for your job back despite your fears and worries. You are doing what you have to do, and that takes a lot of grit and honor.

Lots of people have setbacks, things don't always work out. This isn't new, and it's not shameful.

It sounds like you might need some time to get your strength back, and then perhaps you might be ready to look around for something else, other solutions...

I hope you will post and say how things went/are going.