I know it’s not healthy to dwell on the future, but I can’t help thinking that things are going to pretty much go to **** in about 5-10 years.

I’m 30, so I figure by then most of my friends will be married and/or have kids, and I’ll effectively lose most of them because they’ll be too busy with that. I doubt I’ll have overcome my fear of rejection and fear of intimacy enough to be married or in a serious relationship myself. At the same time, my parents will be getting old and maybe starting to put demands on me. A lot of the things I enjoy (e.g. sports and outdoor activities) will be harder to do as frequently.

I don’t really have any long-term goals at this point, either, so there really isn’t anything I’m looking forward to accomplishing several years down the road. In general, I just seem to want to avoid responsibility whenever possible. I quit my last job because I got a promotion I didn't want. I fear committed relationships because I think I'll feel trapped. And so forth. The thing is, you’re expected to want those things, or else you kinda get marginalized.

A lot of times I feel like I just wasn’t meant to be an adult.