oh man! I sure can identify with where you're at. Last time I cried through my therapy appointment I left feeling like a stone, had a panic attack in driveway just as my daughter called, then my situation was outta my hands cuz my family rallied and some big changes were made. I was in a pit and it took others to yank me out. But I still felt like **** for awhile. I'm more sorted now. So it got better. Sorry you're in a pit now. I just found this place and I already like the community and do you feel it gathered around? You sound creative, are you writing, drawing, making music? Hope these words help!